It's been a while

Yes, its' been a while I am at this stage of my life. An extra ordinary life given to an ordinary person. I live my life every second of it. Knowing there will be time, when today become past, when regret won't change anything. I love my life every inch of it. Knowing today I am writing a story, that I will tell to my kids. I wake up each day, being a grateful human being. Knowing today will be as great as always.

The playlist

Here I am in my small room. Well, actually this is not my own room. I rent it. And it’s not small ;-) I can feel that’s hot outside. Maybe the sun is happy today, so it’s strongly shining.

The last time you fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I no I don’t mind
(This is The Last Time by Keane)

I listen to my music playlist. The same playlist that I usually listened when I wasn’t here. I try to remember what I did that time. What I thought. What I felt. To whom I was in love. What I wondered my future will be.
I can see it clearly. My room, with a white heater attached to my wall. The window, where I can saw d’Bongerd field. It was in white when it covered with snow, in green when it shined by the sun, in grey when it showered by rain. Five small pots with three pink flower and three green one. My bed where I laid all my tiny friends. My brown sofa. My carpet. I can see them very clear. I remember the weekend, when I spent my time enjoying this music while cleaned up my room.

Someday they'll find your small town world. On a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you
Gonna make you break out of your shell coz they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
…….
You're just one more hand me down
Coz no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
(Hands Me Down by Matchbox Twenty)

At that time, all about me was only my family. At that time, I never tried to really make my self happy. I was too afraid. That was too much tears I’ve been waste and I was not brave enough to start something new. I was never imagined before, that I will be in this stage.

You’re a falling star
You’re the line in the sand, when I go too far
You’re the perfect thing to see
Coz you can see it when I look at you
……
And in this crazy life, through these crazy times
It’s you it’s you. You make me sing
You’re every line. You’re every word. You’re everything
(Everything by Michael Bubble)

I met you. Then start to know you, like you and crazily in love with you. I never thought about it before. I never had the picture of you before.

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
…..
They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say good bye
I wish we had a one more kiss
I’ll wait for you, I promise you, I will
(Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Cobie Calliat)

I listen to the same playlist where I am in the different stage of my life. Maybe someday I will listen this playlist in other stages of my life.

About me now

My life before was only about my mom, my father, and my brother
My life before was much harder though I can’t share to anyone else
My life before was a selfish life, and care to no one
My life before was a plain either white or black
Had no clue what’s going on and what will happen tomorrow, only followed the scenario that has been made for me

My life now is also about myself
My life now start to brightened
My life now completed with dreams and hopes
My life now is warmer
My life now makes me realize that I have nothing on my own
My life now makes me afraid that someday I will lose everything

My life now is you
What I am afraid of is losing you
What I am going to do is loving you every second I have
What I really want is being with you wherever, whenever
You own a very special place here

Untuk ibu yang tak pernah kukenal

Barisan kata yang bercerita

Tentangmu, hidupmu dan perjuanganmu

Barisan kata yang bercerita dengan cinta dan tentang cinta

Cinta yang tak minta dibalas. Cinta yang tak ingin diingat

Kaulah barisan kata, kaulah hidup, kaulah perjuangan

Dan kaulah cinta

Dunia membatasi kita untuk bertemu

Tapi ceritamu, cintamu dan kasihmu, masih kutemui

Indah, damai, tidak tergantikan

Di matanya, di hatinya dan di setiap langkahnya

Ibu, terima kasih untuk cintamu padanya

Simpuh hormatku padamu yang telah menanamkan cinta di hatinya

Ibu, senyum dan bahagia ibu di sana adalah senyum dan bahagia kami di sini

Aku ingin menjaga dia sampai akhir hayatku

Semoga ibu tersenyum untuk kami

*Untuk ibu yang hanya bisa kukenali kenangannya. Terima kasih dan ijinkan aku menjaganya. Menjaga putramu.

031009

When I saw them, there was like no other world outside their soul
When I looked at them, there was only love between them
No tears, no sorrow...
Is it going to be our turn? To be there? In our small garden... sitting in a bench, thinking about nothing... and together until the end of our time...
Only you and me and our life...

After sometimes

Two years ago. I was there. Trying to survive in a new world. After all, it's now the time for me to wake up. Back to the reality. Building my dreams. Preparing the future.
There is a time when I realize that this life is still about struggling. A time when I just want to lay down in my bed, doing nothing. But there is always a time to swing my feet, facing what they called "the world".

Mulut

Tuhan menciptakan sepasang mata, sepasang telinga, sepasang kaki, sepasang tangan, bahkan sepasang jantung. Dan Tuhan hanya menciptakan satu mulut.

Karena dari satu mulut, kata terangkai, kalimat terungkap, sumpah terucap. Dzikir hingga fitnah, bermula dari mulut.

Ketika kata terangkai hanya berdasar prasangka, apakah itu bukan fitnah?

Ketika kalimat terungkap hanya berdasar duga, apakah itu bukan fitnah?

Tanpa memilih pada siapa fitnah itu akan berujung. Hidup seseorang, sebuah keluarga, suatu negara, berada di ujung keburukan. Buruk yang bukan dikarenakan kesalahan yang mereka buat, tapi karena fitnah yang tak mereka rencanakan datang.

Aku, aku tak punya nyali untuk bertindak, aku tak punya keberanian untuk membela.

Aku, aku akan selalu berdoa, semoga Tuhan ku, Robb-ku akan melindungi saudara-saudaraku. Saudaraku seiman, saudaraku seagama.

Fitnah, sekecil apapun, dari mulut siapapun, lebih kejam dari membunuh.

May the blessing of Allah SWT be upon us. Amin.